Trigger warning for eating disordered mess everywhere
I was starting to do well today. I was even ready to go ahead and at least try with this meal plan I got this morning (Finally saw a dietitian!), despite the copious amounts of bread. (My therapist did a super job of helping me feel better about it, she’s awesome)
And then I got into a fight with my dad again and now I’m all relapserelapserelapse.
And then I saw my relflection.
Oh my god.
i’m bloated (that’s an understatement if there ever was one) and fat and hideous
i don’t know how anyone can bear to look at me
and this fucking meal plan is just going to make me even more grotesque
I hate everything.
I wish I didn’t binge so fucking much… Purging only does so much. I honestly wish I could just not eat. It’s awful, I know. I feel like I have no self-control because my eating disorder isn’t the kind I want it to be. How fucked up is that?
I’m such a fucking mess.
And such a fucking failure.
I don’t know why anyone bothers with me.